I walked away – Nehali Lalwani

Just for once, I wanted to breathe free… I wanted to be selfish and take my own decision of life without worrying about what will be the outcome. I wanted to be free for once, I thought for myself and not about community and culture. I was questioned; I was told I was self-centered, egoistic and insensible. I was given that not needed GYAAN of being strong and tackling situation in a sensible manner. I smiled at them their cruelty did hurt me, tears flew down my eyes out of pain but this time I decided to walk away from them without considering their words..

 When I was wounded these people were not there to heal them, when I wept these people were not there to ask me the reason for my endless pain and agony, when loneliness used to kill me these people were not there to hold me. When I lost my smile in course of proving my worth to them they tagged me as arrogant bitch, slut and what not!

In all that moments of pain, I only longed for someone to come out of that crowd hold me and tell me to walk away with poise because, I was doing nothing wrong about taking a decision of making myself happy while everyone failed to do it. Everyone around came, used, abused and went off without even realizing what pain might be hidden behind those dark kohl eyes and glowing lips.

I tried to talk to some close ones in this course, I failed. I almost begged in front of them to trust my intentions without judging them. They failed to understand my pain and tears. I just longed to listen to those words “go ahead, you are right.” People judged when I expected them to understand. They compared their life, struggles and pain with mine. i hated being compared. I hated being told I was wrong, when I only expected them to be by my side. Never did I know pain can’t be felt if it not yours. Lately when I realized, I smiled and walked away from there as well.

I sobbed in pain, I wept for hours being alone…

I wish I could tell you, About the depth of my pain,It’s almost never-ending, And hard to explain. 

I wish I could tell you, How broken I feel inside, I wish I could tell you…

 At last, I ignored… I stopped worrying about the fact that I had to walk alone, I will have to face all types of questions, people and circumstances… I was ready, I was all prepared to face it all… I knew it this way was not at all easy but the life I was living since long was either was not at all easy. I turned back to make sure that I was not returning back ever. I glanced at the sky and noticed that sun shined with the best of glory that day, giving me the assurance that no matter how much tough it gets, somewhere up in the sky there is someone looking at us and helping us as a guiding force no matter what! I walked ahead without knowing my destination but I was contended with my decision. I was happy that I stood up for myself, my smile and my happiness. While everyone around lectured me about what society will think and what this culture have taught me in these years.I chose my happiness and walked away… I learnt to be selfish in real… I took really long but trust me, I was happy and satisfied then…

Becuase at last I realized,

No matter where your pain is, Or even it may burn,There will be someone, Who doesn’t believe it’s even there. 

 No matter what you tell them, Or what you try to do,There will be someone, Who doesn’t believe it could be true.

 No matter what you now face, Or what’s there every day, There will be someone, Who doesn’t believe in what you say…

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