Marriage: Other side of the coin

Yesterday was one such evening for me, when one simply feels like cutting off with everything else for a while and spending some good time with oneself. 

I sat at the corner seat of the park as all other benches were already taken. I chose cold coffee as my companion. I sipped my cold coffee and was totally lost in my thoughts. I was wondering about the changes I had been through in these months after getting married. So much have changed, I told myself. 

In childhood, when dad use to travel for his business commitments I use to cry for hours because I couldn’t stay away from him not even for a single day and today it’s been more than 6 months I haven’t seen him in person, I haven’t hugged him and bargained about my pocket money and I haven’t seen him laughing on my childlike expressions, my eyes were filled up with tears by then. 

The best thing about thoughts and stories are that they never leave you alone. Never.

After sometime, one young south Indian couple came exactly where I was sitting and sat beside me. Maybe, they couldn’t find any other vacant bench at the park. That lady smiled at me as she sat beside me. I smiled back. 

She had a dusky skin tone, long curly black hair which were tugged in a ponytail, she had applied a thick line of sindoor and a maroon lipstick which definitely made her look beautiful. Her gold ornaments were shining bright. That guy had a darker skin tone than her but with his dressing sense I could make out he belonged to a good family. 

They started chit chatting about random things which I literally ignored. After sometime, that lady spoke in a soft tone, she expressed her wish to visit her parents for a few days as she was missing them terribly. 

She was patiently waiting for his reply. He while flipping through the phone asked her casually, what would you do there? Why do you want to pay them a visit? I was stunned. I looked at them with my eyes wide open. I swear, I didn’t pay any attention to their earlier talks, I hardly even looked at them but the way this communication was shaping up, I couldn’t ignore, I stared at both of them for some sixty seconds I literally forgot to take my eyes off, because I was deeply shocked and saddened with what that guy said to her wife. 
It’s literally unbelievable to realize how a women’s life changes completely in an instance after marriage. They literally have to carry “Mrs” before their name and this weight gradually shifts into their life. 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. His words broke my heart. As a woman, I could understand what it means to stay away from a family. It must have killed her inside to hear that she needs to take permission or literally plead to go and stay at her own parents’ house for some days. 

She is not only a wife or a daughter in law. She’s someone’s daughter too. 

They spent all their savings to get her married in a “good family”. They had spent all that they had behind her education and given her the best of whatever they had and today she’s asking for a permission to pay them a visit. 

Only a working woman will be provided an opportunity to enjoy equal rights rest will be suffering even today? 

Before he could say anything his phone buzzed. His facial expressions depicted that it was someone’s special call. He received the call instantly, got up and walked away.
That lady didn’t move. She didn’t utter a word. Maybe, because she was unable to find words which could convince him. I looked at her, I tried to read her eyes. She was blank. Expressionless.

Our surrounding was full of noises. Children were playing around, people of almost all age groups were smiling, talking, cheering and in a way were writing some new stories. At that moment, I realized, how much I miss my parents. I miss them so much that I see them in my dreams almost every day.  She tried to act normal and passed a fainted smile as he returned.

He kind of ignored her sad expressions and went on with his part of the story. He enthusiastically said, it was my mother’s call. 
He continued, she is upset. She’s feeling lonely at home as my sister has shifted to Bangalore for her summer internship for a month. I was wondering if you could go to India and spend some time with her, he said in a tone which was pleading yet authoritative. 

He then added, you must be feeling bored as you have nothing productive to do here. I anyway remain busy with my office and you know I can easily take care of myself, he said with pride. You must go and pay a visit to my native place, my mother will be really happy to see you and I’m sure she will get some rest, as you’ll be really helpful to her in household chores.

I heard their conversation but pretended to chat with someone over text messages. I pretended, as if I had not heard anything. I know whatever I did was ethically wrong, but I couldn’t move, I felt really bad for that lady. I felt miserable about Indian mentality. I felt helpless as a girl. I felt horrible about term marriage and its consequences. It’s never about education or generation it’s only about mentality. No matter where we go, what we do, things are not going to change till the time we don’t decide to change our mentality. 

Why do we always feel women are born to do housework and to deal with all the crap? 

We lecture people about equality, education and what not, but when it comes to our society and home, we all be the same. 

It was dark by then. I had to leave for home. I started walking. I wanted to turn back for one last time and look back at that lady, but I couldn’t. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t.

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I walked away – Nehali Lalwani

Just for once, I wanted to breathe free… I wanted to be selfish and take my own decision of life without worrying about what will be the outcome. I wanted to be free for once, I thought for myself and not about community and culture. I was questioned; I was told I was self-centered, egoistic and insensible. I was given that not needed GYAAN of being strong and tackling situation in a sensible manner. I smiled at them their cruelty did hurt me, tears flew down my eyes out of pain but this time I decided to walk away from them without considering their words..

 When I was wounded these people were not there to heal them, when I wept these people were not there to ask me the reason for my endless pain and agony, when loneliness used to kill me these people were not there to hold me. When I lost my smile in course of proving my worth to them they tagged me as arrogant bitch, slut and what not!

In all that moments of pain, I only longed for someone to come out of that crowd hold me and tell me to walk away with poise because, I was doing nothing wrong about taking a decision of making myself happy while everyone failed to do it. Everyone around came, used, abused and went off without even realizing what pain might be hidden behind those dark kohl eyes and glowing lips.

I tried to talk to some close ones in this course, I failed. I almost begged in front of them to trust my intentions without judging them. They failed to understand my pain and tears. I just longed to listen to those words “go ahead, you are right.” People judged when I expected them to understand. They compared their life, struggles and pain with mine. i hated being compared. I hated being told I was wrong, when I only expected them to be by my side. Never did I know pain can’t be felt if it not yours. Lately when I realized, I smiled and walked away from there as well.

I sobbed in pain, I wept for hours being alone…

I wish I could tell you, About the depth of my pain,It’s almost never-ending, And hard to explain. 

I wish I could tell you, How broken I feel inside, I wish I could tell you…

 At last, I ignored… I stopped worrying about the fact that I had to walk alone, I will have to face all types of questions, people and circumstances… I was ready, I was all prepared to face it all… I knew it this way was not at all easy but the life I was living since long was either was not at all easy. I turned back to make sure that I was not returning back ever. I glanced at the sky and noticed that sun shined with the best of glory that day, giving me the assurance that no matter how much tough it gets, somewhere up in the sky there is someone looking at us and helping us as a guiding force no matter what! I walked ahead without knowing my destination but I was contended with my decision. I was happy that I stood up for myself, my smile and my happiness. While everyone around lectured me about what society will think and what this culture have taught me in these years.I chose my happiness and walked away… I learnt to be selfish in real… I took really long but trust me, I was happy and satisfied then…

Becuase at last I realized,

No matter where your pain is, Or even it may burn,There will be someone, Who doesn’t believe it’s even there. 

 No matter what you tell them, Or what you try to do,There will be someone, Who doesn’t believe it could be true.

 No matter what you now face, Or what’s there every day, There will be someone, Who doesn’t believe in what you say…

Book Review – The Deliberate Sinner by Bhaavna Arora

About The Author: 

Dr. Bhavna Arora is a new-generation writer who is an avid learner of life. She is a young enthusiast who has two MBA degrees and a Doctorate from Pittsford University in Leadership to her credit.

A philanthropist at heart, she has been sponsoring an underprivileged boy’s education. She also works closely with an institute for special children.

Book Cover: This cover completely suits the story of the book. The exceptional and attention seeking cover.

Characters: The protagonist is Rihana, a rich, modern, independent woman with sanguine belief. Her husband Veer, an ambitious, dominating, person who is too self-centered. Raj, Rihana’s good friend and ‘love of his life’. Avinash her close friend and an important character of the story.

Writing style: Language and  writing have kept consciously simple by the author, the person who reads is never over laden with witty lines and idealistic terminologies.

I liked: Author tries to sum up the story without stretching it unnecessarily. The story has the potential to keep you glued till the last part because of the author’s narration style and plot of the story.

This book provides an eminent example of the true male subjugated culture of India.

The Author does not portray Rihanna as a sufferer, but projected her as a combatant and a champion. It is an excellent interpretation to comprehend physical tinges of a woman, and its importance in any relationship.

I disliked: the only thing I disliked about this book is the author has narrated a tale which constantly creates a negative notion regarding men.

Conclusion:

More or less all the girls would be able to recount to the plot in some way or other. The way Rihana copes up with life is truly quite realistic. May be that is the reason the book appears to be so sensible.

In this story the author has explained various relationship issues like – Domestic Violence, Marital Rape, societal problems (premarital sex), Indian Mentality regarding Marriage (Dowry, man’s dominance) and consequences of Divorce in a womanly way. However, Rihanna’s character is designed as an empowered and self-respecting woman and she doesn’t consider herself as a sufferer but a survivor. Proper amount of twists and turns along with the brilliant & easy going narration This story has come out well as a form of a book.

Although a responsive subject to deal with, debut author, Bhaavna Arora does absolute justice to her description of the vital characters, Veer and Rihana. Written in a not so formal manner, fresh language, the tale is firm, witty, touching and a swift read too. This tale  brilliantly illustrates the wishes, the potency of a modern and self-determined woman.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Title: Deliberate Sinner

Author: Bhaavna Arora

ISBN-10: 938266520x

ISBN-13:9789382665205

Genre: Fiction

Publisher: Shrishti Publishers & Distributors